Fear No More

On the first Wednesday of December when I was in fifth grade, our house was robbed. What rattled me the most wasn’t the sense of violation, as one could expect. Rather, it was the fact that I had dreamed about a similar situation the night before. My first (and, I think, only) premonition.

From that moment on, I was terrified of the dark. Or of something bad happening in the dark. My fear was so irrational that I even took to wearing shoes to bed in case the house caught on fire in the middle of the night.

My senses heightened when darkness set it, and any little noise that my brain deemed out-of-place caused my imagination to run wild. Never with positive thoughts, mind you. I wasn’t scared of monsters in my closet; instead, I was afraid of whatever malicious person could be lurking in the shadows.

This, I should be embarrassed to admit, lasted looooong into my teen years and maybe even into my early 20s. I just couldn’t shake the notion that evil was out to get me at a vulnerable moment.

So, what changed? I think the solution was two-fold: being with David, and moving to Switzerland. David is such a rational person (I am more emotion-based), and he was able to help me face my fear and rationalize it (not always in a way I appreciated, but the overall result has been positive). Also, changing continents helped put distance between me and my scary place, giving me the space I needed to put my fear in perspective.

In any case, I am happy to say: I fear you no more, darkness!

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